duminică, 4 septembrie 2011

May the odds be ever in your favor!

She told me she'd chase me to the sky. It was a bright winter morning when I saw her sobbing next to a tree. I wanted to help, I wanted to comfort her and tell her that everything is going to be alright. I wanted her to stop crying, because it makes my heart crumble inside. And then, I did it. As if knowing what I'd thought, she told me with a silver chuckle: "It's going to be the best day of your life".

I was overwhelmed by the whirlwind that caught me, drowning my soul into darkness. Or was it more than that? A feeling I've never felt before... contempt? Happiness? The bright lights, the city getting bigger and bigger around me, I knew that's the crazy, cold world waiting for me, but I tried to stop it, I tried to find her. I wanted her to give me a little more than happiness embellished and polished with fear. I'm not calling you a liar, girl, but please don't lie to me. My heart is going to explode into thousands fireworks, one of them being you indeed. And then? How will it all change? I can't take one more step for you... I'm waiting and waiting, but the soreness  inside my heart aches each time I think that I'm just a ghost. Your ghost. Who do you think you are to make me feel like this? Wandering an exhausting city, with nothing but my soul to offer. Alone, in the dark. Disappointed.  I'm circling the thoughts that never leave me, but guess what! This is going to be the last day of this cruel imprisonment. I want to live. Because everything in love is a lie. I closed my eyes and let go of her hand.

Life is bigger than you and me and I know that the distance in your eyes says it all. You know, I'm crouched in a corner, living forever with the fear that before you died you smiled. Scratch that, you laughed vigorously. You said you need someone like everybody does. I'm no different than you, but you point your finger at everyone but yourself, you blame the people you love that only want to help. We'll meet and together, we'll fight these demons of forever. I have no time for fear and I know, even if I don't want to, that you are one of those demons too. So this is the moment when you'll go down. Lower and lower, until nothing from you remains.

Remember our plans? We thought about driving across the country, live in Spain or Italy, we were going to climb to the top of the Eiffel Tower, we wanted to swim with sharks and also memorize the pattern of the stars. We were going to fall in love, but now... after all that's happened, after all the blood that drips inside my body, after all the tears that have shattered my consciousness, I finally figured out that even though we are still young enough and we still got time, it is too late to keep these plans we've made... I'm a nervous wreck, I'm a broken man, but I'll find a way to move on.

Unfortunately, it's too little, too late. I'm all out of faith, my inspiration has run dried and I feel just like I am torn, my heart has been left ajar and my feelings simply pour out of it. Thought I couldn't live without you? Well, it's going to hurt what it heals too and it'll all get better in time. I had it all, but it doesn't mean anything, because know you are gone, I'm alone and every dream is lost... a wreck. I cheated myself, like I knew I would...

But I turn around, forgetting everything about you. And I see the face of an old friend... or... It's been so long that we forgot what we want... Because what we want we have already got. And this is how I solved the maze of thoughts running through my mind... Even though this day was a cruel curse, it was the day that I've come to life. She told me she'd chase me to the sky, but instead, I raced her to Moon. And through the stars we have lived since then.

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