I don't want you to
check my every movement, I don't want you to verify my breathing every time and
I definitely don't want you to take my hand and make me do everything you say.
Love helps you compliment each other's life, but all that you do could be
easily classified as complicating it. I'd like to heal for the honey and to
feel all the sweetness that you have, but I'm no longer that person that
indulges in a bath of sugar and then comes alive all happy, just to start again
- sharing kisses, making out and falling in each other's arms. Being poised by
your words and sipping on your saliva just as it would be earl grey. No, I
don't even want to think about such things. They disgust me. I am disgusted by
stalkers and you, my lovely dear, are just the perfect one.
I believe it, you are always there for me, you always answer
my questions. But I suddenly stopped liking "always".
Yesterday I was the one who believed in jealousy, today, when my veil has finally been
lifted off my eyes, I don't believe in always any more. I don't believe in
stalking, I don't trust air-sucking presences. I want space. More than you
could imagine. I wish those words that came out of your mouth weren't for
me. Disappointingly, everything you say regards me - someone's hair is not
as nice as mine, someone's piece of clothing is so... silly in comparison with
mine, personality, life, friends, family.
What? You thought that if at first you don't succeed you
have to lie? To lie again? To crawl your way up to me? No, love, I ain't
up high, but you just gotta know the way to my heart, through the maze of
sentimental debris. And it is a secret, precious one. One you'll never be able
to figure out. Love is when your insides twist. But do you know what hurts
most about a broken heart? Not being able to remember how you felt before...
And that's when you know it was love.
A crush can last a lot, but love lasts forever. You,
you think you love me, but... I'm your little secret crush, I'm the one who
appears in every dream you have, but I'm also the one that refused your heart.
You were willing to give it away, but I didn't take it. I didn't want it. It
seems that, after all, I always say "Hi, hi, hi" just to... just to
tell you "Bye, bye, bye...". And that is not what love feels like.
Mostly because love means two. Two bodies, albeit only one soul. And you are
neither my missing body nor my other part of my soul.
We could be acquaintances. I love my friends and I
don't love you. I don't believe in that love, that childish love -
holding hands, cuddling, drinking wine and living in the twilight. I reckon my
time for loving has passed... I may collect jars of hearts, but I don't
want yours close to me.
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